That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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