I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
