The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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