We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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