I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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