There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
