I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize