Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
