In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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