Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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