dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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