imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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