No stitches, just platelets and will power
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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