Whod you bang
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
