I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
