Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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