I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
