i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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