Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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