Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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