i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize