she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
