Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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