I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
