Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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