i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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