Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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