At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my liver is dry heaving
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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