Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
