Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had sex on a roof
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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