This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
