there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
