I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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