Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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