i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
