...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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