Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mom said you looked used
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
