oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
