I saw his package. It spoke to me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
