could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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