just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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