I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize