very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
