So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
