I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
