my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
