They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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