I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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