Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
