dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
