I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
