Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
two words...techno handjob
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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