i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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