i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
His hands were made for my vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will pee on everything he values.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
