Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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