if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
