Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
