I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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