sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize