8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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