I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
