Tell her she can't have a vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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