I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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