i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
