i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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