so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
