we made out on top of his cat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
