On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
